I’m dying to let you know how much I hurt

without saying so

and I wish I could express how much

my words ache

when I can’t pronounce their sharp edges

there is blood in my lungs and a creak in my bones,

and if you asked my heart, I’ve lived far too long

I have become frail; unholy and endless

and just a little too breathless to make you think

my laughter isn’t forced-

quiet enough for you to ask if something is wrong

I am sick.

my thoughts are poison;

I am turning to ash.

and I don’t know how to fix this.

You built sturdy barricades
around your chest so they
could never get to you
again;

Problem was, when they asked
to be given access to you,
you tore down the walls you’d built
with your bare hands

until your fingernails bled raw
and your heart burned hot with
the hope that your insides
would be safe this time.

You should know by now
not to let monsters
anywhere past
the moats you built
to keep them out.

I hate when you’re sad for no reason; you’re with people, you’re fine, you’re happy, you’re laughing and smiling, but at the same time it almost feels like you’re not there. You keep dazing in and out of conversations, you cant focus on one single thing. And once you’re by yourself you don’t want to do anything, you’re sad and feel alone. Someone asks you what’s wrong and you want to tell them, but you don’t even know what’s wrong yourself.

You probably wont ever see this but,

I want you to be ok

I want to see your smile and your eyes light up like starlight

I want you to laugh and I want it to

send shadows afire because when you laugh

it destroys the hurt the pain the tears

I want you to be there and I want you to be ok

and I want you to hold me and tell me its

going to be ok

even if you’re crying when you say it even

if your arms are shaking

I know life is hard and the pain is intense but

let me in

and I’ll try my hardest to make it better

please

I hope one day
somebody loves you
so much

that they see violets
in the bags under your eyes,
sunsets in the downward arch
of your lips,

that they recognize you
as something green,
something fresh and still growing,
even if sometimes
you are growing sideways,

that they do not waste their time
trying to fix you.

I’m sorry that you had to see

how strong my memory can be

that the monsters in my nightmares

learned to run through daylight

my dreams are strange and I am wary

of things that don’t exist

there are trapdoors in the basement

blood on my fingertips

I’m sorry I couldn’t say this

but they sewed my lips shut

so I can’t drink them away

so I can’t scream for help

I’ll stay awake in the darkness

and try to dream of something better

that will take the pain away

even if its temporary

This is a signal fire

for all the broken and empty hearted;

teenagers laid to sleep in coffee beans and paper cuts

you are not who you your parents wanted you to be

not who your teachers want to teach

not who you want to be (yet)

and that’s okay.

This is your role call

for the lonely and confused, for

the C averages and the failed tests,

consider that if it doesn’t make sense now,

it might later.

This is the siren’s song

for all those who despair,

for those who sit at the bottom of a well

with bloody fingers from trying to climb up.

Let every alarm clock and chiming bell remind you

that you are alive,

every movement of a clock hand, every chirping bird,

every word spoken and every word that isn’t.

Take the world on in baby steps

so if you trip it won’t hurt,

remember to wear your red rain boots-

even if it rains you are still a superhero.

You are loved

and you are free

and you will find everything you are looking for,

if you just remember to breathe.

there seems to be this misconception
that you are only worth your intellect
and if you don’t understand
the printed variables on your papers
that there’s something wrong with you
and you are worthless
I want you to know this isn’t true
you are worth more than your GPA
and the hours you spent working on
that fucking essay
You are so much more than your teacher’s grades
and the questions you got right (you guessed)
and the awful things some students say
that you remember at 3am
don’t ever let the beating of your heart
be drowned out by study notes and essays
there is so much more to life than that missed “A”
don’t let the footsteps in the halls become a hurricane
and don’t let your bright gaze fall sideways
you are capable of anything you want to be
and more importantly
you are worth it to me.